Tuesday, June 30, 2009
When I look at that, I would say we fit the bill. But to my amazement, some people wouldn't say that at all. Some would say that I am a "financial burden" on my husband. That I have "given up my dreams" to stay home with my kids. Or that I am "holding him back" from pursuing his dreams. Forgetting the fact that Josh and I live a comfortable life and we ARE living out our dreams. We don't go on vacations every year and we do have a little credit card debt. But for the most part, if we want something, we buy it. We have a beautiful home, new car, healthy, happy children. What exactly is wrong with me not having an outside job?
I actually priced the things we would need for me to run off to work, a little while ago. For child-care of my children ages 4, 2 and 6 months it would be at least $700 a week. And the maid would be between $50-100. When I was working (up until 4 days before Maria was born), I was making about $400 a week. So that would mean at the end of the month we would be in debt $1600. I'm pretty sure THAT would be the financial burden on my husband. And all of this is just me hoping that I could even find a job. Not to mention, my kids would be raised by a stranger. And who exactly would be cooking dinner every night because after working a long day at the office, I certainly wouldn't feel like doing it. Oh and the laundry...8 LOADS A WEEK,(which would probably be 9 or 10 when you add in my dress clothes) would probably never get done.
I did do it at one time. I went to work when Josh got laid off 2 years ago and guess what, we ALL hated it. But if we needed money, I would get a job on nights and weekends. We would all hate it, but if it were an emergency, I would do it. Right now, though, I would never change what our family is doing. We are doing what works for us. I feel terrible that there are women who want to stay home with their kids and can't. I feel blessed that we all get to do what we want and no one is suffering because of one persons selfish desire to "get away from her kids" and go to work. Josh gets to do the job he loves, I get to do the job I love and the kids get to have their mommy here every day to raise them and teach them how to be well-behaved kids and good people. (Something, apparently not taught in daycares in our area). What exactly is wrong with that? Why do certain people think less of me for doing what we ALL want me to do?
And when exactly did life become all about money anyway? To me there are things that are FAR more important in life. Things like being there for my kids when they need me, being the one to hear their first words & laughs. Seeing their first steps and first time rolling over. Keeping a clean house and having dinner on the table when Josh gets home from a hard day at work. Being there when they get off the bus and have had a bad day at school. I want to be the one there waiting with milk and cookies and hugs to let them know I am here for them when things get tough, not a nanny. I don't ever want to be too busy with work to spend time with my kids. Because they are only this age once. You never get that time back and I don't want to have any regrets as a mother. When my kids are graduating, I would rather have an empty bank account and a full heart, knowing that I was there for every game, recital, concert, bad day, good day, EVERY DAY of their lives. I grew up knowing that my father always felt there was something more important in his life than me. I never want my kids (or husband) to feel that way. And if my kids want to go to college and have a career, I will support them in that. But if they want to be stay-at-home moms (or dad) I will support them in that too.
Right now, I am fed up with generalizations and accusations and judgements and everyone thinking they could run my life better than I am. So this is my defense. This is me explaining why I do what I do and why I have no desire for that to change. If it means we can't go to the Caribbean every year, that is fine with us. It will make us appreciate it even more, when we do get to go. I am doing the best that I can right now. I am trying my hardest and if that isn't good enough for you, I am sorry...for YOU.
*stepping off my soapbox*
Friday, June 26, 2009
- I wanted to go to Paris on my honeymoon.
- But I would never change a thing about the honeymoon we actually took to Cabo.
- I HATE tomatoes
- But I LOVE tomato sauce, spaghetti sauce & ketchup.
- I LOVE apples and anything with apples in it.
- But I HATE applesauce
- I HATE when people use a "k" to start words that are supposed to start with a "c"
- I LOVE anything even remotely related to Elvis Presley
- I would rather cook and/or bake than do just about anything
- Josh has always and probably will always hand wash the dishes (I do the dishwasher and everything else though, don't worry)
- I had pretty bad post-partum depression after I had Jack and I only recently got through it because I didn't take any meds.
- That is actually the first time I ever admitted that.
- I say I need a break from the kids every day
- But I would never actually be able to leave them and go to an "outside" job.
- My favorite season is fall.
- But my favorite Holiday is Christmas. It is seriously a sick obsession that starts in July and ends with me sobbing all day on Dec. 26th because, in my own words "it's all over".
- I have always secretly wanted to live in Seattle. I really don't know why, though.
- I believe that the number 5 is lucky for me.
- I am a compulsive list maker...it's a sickness, really
- I watch every documentary/show/miniseries/movie that has anything to do with World War II.
- I married my high school sweetheart.
- I was the only one in high school though ;-)
- I hated my first high school...
- But I hated my second one even more.
- I have had 12 different jobs in my life (not including babysitting)
- The only one I want to do for the rest of my life, is the one I'm doing right now.
- I get 80% of the gifts I give from QVC.
- I get 80% of the clothes I wear from QVC.
- I HATE the heat. (mostly it's the sweating=being dirty that I dislike)
- One day I hope to finish my list of 1000 places to see before I die (I changed some from the book)
- I don't understand people who go on the same vacation every year. I want to travel all over the world, not go on a Caribbean cruise every year or to myrtle beach every summer.
- I have always wanted to get jury duty
- I have never had jury duty
- Josh and I have been talking about going to Alaska since we met, and I can't wait until it actually happens. (even if I have to wait 20 years to be able to pay cash and not charge it on a credit card)
- Josh and I have canceled our credit card and vowed to never use one again. We used it a couple years ago for a couple big purchases and we are STILL paying it off.
- I only drink pop about once a year (and it's either orange pop or root beer)
- I am a very picky eater and it is one thing that I really dislike about myself
- I have never had a beer
- But I have had many other alcoholic beverages ;-)
- When I was a teenager I didn't want to ever be married or have children
- That all changed when I started dating Josh
- I think I like some of the kids shows more than my kids do (the Backyardigans and the penguins of Madagascar)
- I do crosswords puzzles all the time because I once heard it can help prevent Alzheimer's
- I have always wanted to go on Jeopardy
- I will never actually try out though
- I'm a Republican
- I used to be a Democrat (before I grew up)
- I can't stand it when people have really bad wigs. It takes all my power not to pull it off their heads
- No one rides in my car without a seat belt. (Even Travis!)
- It would not take much prodding to get me to just pick up and move away
- I believe that I actually "saw the light" the night before Maria was born.
- It was strangely peaceful and not scary at all.
- I have a very good sense of smell
- I have always wanted to learn the dance to Thriller. (and I am only reminded of it, now because of all the recent news coverage)
- My dad wanted to name me Dawn.
- Josh wanted to name Jackson, Mason
- If Jack had been a girl, we would have named him Katherine (and called him Kate)
- That is in no way related to the show Lost.
- I HATE Jackson Pollick
- I can only count on one hand the amount of times I've gone out in public with the kids where someone didn't come up and touch them.
- I miss Maria's speech, physical and occupational therapists
- I don't miss Maria going to therapy at all.
- I hate nicknames
- But we only call our own kids their real names about half the time
- Gum gives me a stomach ache
- I love swimming
- I can't remember the last time I actually went swimming (I prefer not to make the people around me barf lol)
- I couldn't care less about Michael Jackson dying
- I can't stand when people say "I could care less" because that infers that you COULD care less....which means that you do care and it makes you sound stupid.
- My Grandpa used to always give me werther's original candies
- I still think of him every time I eat them
- I have always wanted to win the lottery
- I have never played the lottery
- I am probably too sarcastic for my own good
- I love getting blog comments :D
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
- I will never let my kids throw a fit in public. this is easy to say when you don't have children. "Why can't they control that kid" used to be a phrase, Josh and I said, quite often. But I refuse to give in to my kids just because they whine and cry for something. So I would much rather everyone in the store/restaurant hear them throw a fit than let my kids know I'm a push-over. Now to be honest this has only ever happened once or twice, but the way I look at it, the rules apply wherever we are.
- My kids will never talk-back or say a "bad" word to me. As much as I wish, I was the only influence on my childrens vocabulary, it isn't true. They hear things on TV, at school, at the park...everywhere and occasionally they do say something you wish they hadn't...and usually you wish they hadn't said it in front of your family/friends/church/playgroup etc.
- I will never fight with my husband in front of the kids. We are definitely working on this one, but it is harder than you think. If Josh and I didn't fight in front of the kids...well we would never fight, which isn't healthy. Mostly we are working on the way we fight. We do think it is important to show the kids "healthy conflict resolution" so we are trying be positive influences in that way (didn't mean to sound like a shrink there, it just came out). But man, is it hard! No matter how much you try, you are destined to get into a screaming match at one point or another, we all do it.
- I will never miss a vaccination/Dr. appt. Ok, now this one is not on purpose. I'm not one of those nuts that refuses to vaccinate....I'm just lazy. LOL. I honestly am one of those people that forgets about appointments or doesn't go because it's raining/snowing/cloudy/sunny lol. Taking all three of them out to wait in a waiting room for 2 hours trying to keep them all happy, only to bring home three crying children, is not exactly my idea of a good time. So unless I have someone to watch the others, I generally have to remake a Dr.'s appt at least once before I actually go to it.
- My kids will be potty trained by age 2. Yeah...NO.
- I will never bribe my kids. This one goes along with the previous one. If it works for me to tell the kids that if they go in the potty they will get a piece of candy (only while they are potty training). Or to say that if they eat all of their dinner we can go to Grandma's house, I say, what's the harm.
- I will trust my Dr. implicitly. Until you've had a Dr. tell you to put your baby in her car seat backwards (as in, on her knees and belly), you may not understand this one. I have had so many fights with their doctors over stuff like that, I have learned to take their advice with a grain of salt. Sometimes mothers intuition is the best thing at the moment.
- I will never prop a bottle. OK this one is Kara's, but I agree. I used to think, "how hard is it to sit there and feed your baby", but by the second or third baby you are far too busy to feed every single feeding. Life happens and sometimes I have 500 things to do at one time, instead of the usual 50, so I don't feel too bad about it.
But the basic gist of it all is that, no matter how many "mistakes" I have made, I've ended up with 3 of the greatest kids on the planet. They listen when I tell them to do something (even if i need to say it a few times or raise my voice). They are polite and respectful and so kind it brings tears to my eyes sometimes. They play very well with others. They are so well-behaved, people actually can't believe it. I love taking them out and hearing everyone say "oh my gosh they were sooo good!". And to hear my parents (who have the highest standards) tell me that they are the most well-behaved kids, is the best compliment I can get. It's funny to see the girls when they are around bad kids, they just sit there and stare in amazement that their parents allow them to act like that. It makes me feel so good to know that THESE are my kids. These wonderful little people, are a product of my parenting "skills" (whether they be accidental or purposeful). I must be doing a decent job or they wouldn't be so amazing...right?
Monday, June 22, 2009
But, other than that, we had a nice fathers day. Todd came over and appologized for his behaviour, which was nice of him. IDK how things are going to be from now on, but at least the "fight" is over.
So after that, we went to my moms for dinner and we stopped and got her a birthday cake on the way there. It's funny how we are, as mothers. We don't expect the same things that we give others. I would never think of not getting the kids or Josh a birthday cake. But I can't remember ever having one, since I moved in with him (except for this year...but I didn't get a card or gift, so I consider it a wash). And my mom is the same way. She NEVER gets a birthday cake. I hate that for her. So I specifically stopped to get her a DQ oreo blizzard cake (DELISH BTW).
We had a good day though. Basically, we just sat around talking about people...it's what we do best lol. My Grandpa always says that "if everyone were as perfect as us, we wouldn't have to talk about them" lol. It's all in good fun though. :D
Friday, June 19, 2009
1. Mention the person who tagged me.
2. Complete the lists of 8's
3. Tag 8 people (which is going to be hard, since there are only 7 people who subscribe to my measly little blog. lol. But I'll do the best I can.)
8 Things I did yesterday
1. freeze the other half of my (er...jack's) baby food
2. Unloaded the dishwasher
3. Loaded the dishwasher
4. Went to walmart
5. Went to Giant Eagle
6. Checked my facebook page about 10 gazillion times
7. Made BBQ pulled pork sandwiches for dinner
8. Watched 3 episodes of NCIS while folding laundry
8 Things I wish I could do
1. Grow a third arm so I could safely go out in public with all of my children
2. Afford a month-long Caribbean vacation for the whole family
5. Swim under water (when I was a kid, I told Jeffy I wished I could breathe under water...yeah)
6. Lose weight and eat whatever I wanted
7. Have a healthy baby
8 Things I am looking forward to
1. Taking the girls to see "Up" (it will be their first movie in the theater)
2. Jackson sitting up on his own (and crawling and cruising and walking...)
3. Whatever we end up doing with the kids during Josh's vacation in August (most likely camping but that isn't set in stone)
4. The surprise I have planned for Josh's birthday!
5. Last Comic Standing season starting
6. Losing my baby (x3) weight
7. Our Hawaiian Luau party
8. Maria going to preschool
8 Shows I can't stop watching
2. The Mentalist
3. The Closer
5. The Real Housewives of NY (and the NJ one too)
6. The Office
8. Desperate Housewives
8 Shows/Movies the girls can't stop watching
2. Hippo (The Backyardigans)
3. Pooh-Tigger (My friends Tigger and Pooh)
4. Mickey Mouse Clubhouse
5. Deggo (Go Diego, Go)
6. Pen-guns (The Penguins of Madagascar)
7. Race Cars (Cars)
8. Beach Animals (Madagascar)
8 Favorite foods (you will now know why I have so much trouble losing weight)
1. Fresh baked bread
2. Chicken Alfredo
3. My moms apple pie
4. Mashed potatoes mixed with corn
5. Hulless popcorn (puff'n corn is my favorite!)
6. Whole roasted chicken (mine only)
7. Chocolate cake with chocolate icing and vanilla ice cream
8. Andes Mint pie (from Akron Childrens Hospital...idk where they get it, but it's amazing and the sole reason I never lost the baby weight after having maria lol)
8 Things I say at least once a day
1. STOP THAT!
2. Give me a hug
3. I love you
4. You don't have to whine about it
5. Do you even know why you're crying?
6. Why don't you want to spend time with me?
7. You already had a snack. Wait for lunch (or dinner).
8. Nighty-Night sleep tight
8 Things I hear at least once a day
1. Why? (actually, it's more like whhhhyyyy?)
2. I yuv you
3. Body-slam me mommy
4. I want a 'nack! or Dinner cook (idk why she says it backwards)
5. Daddy home! Daddy home! (they do it all day long every time a loud truck goes by)
6. She hit me!
7. BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK (from next door)
8. I don't know
8 (or 5) People who I am tagging
6. anyone reading this that wants to do it :D
BTW anyone want to tell me how to link to people (like their names and stuff)? I'm totally dense on that subject.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
He's obviously excited about this whole process...
This is the carrots pureed. I just peeled and chopped them then cooked them on the stove. I didn't add enough water when I pureed them so I will probably end up adding more when I heat them up.
I used my pampered chef scoop. It is the perfect size if you over-fill it. Then I covered them with saran wrap and they are freezing right now.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
I love to see him with the kids. He is the definition of a wonderful Grandfather. We have had an inside joke ever since Maria was born. Whenever I would see my mom through the week he would get upset that he couldn't see her. Then whenever she would hold him while we were all together, he would call her a "ball hog". Still, if I am with her during the day and he calls, I'll hear him call her a "ball hog" through the phone as we laugh about it. He tells me every time they watch the kids, how great they are and how much he loves them and what a joy it is to have them spend the night. It makes me so happy to know that my kids will grow up close to their Grandparents.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Monday, June 8, 2009
Not to mention, I am so worried about my mom, I don't even know where to begin.
One good thing that has happened is that my family is here this whole next week. It is such a relief to be surrounded by family and friends who accept you and love you no matter how many mistakes you make and how much money you have. Their love for us is not defined by how perfect we are or what we are willing to do or put our family through, FOR THEM. They love us and want to help us unconditionally. They are genuinely concerned for us and would rather help us get out of this difficult time, than make this worse to serve their own agendas.
Friday, June 5, 2009
After finally seeing an end in sight for one disagreement with one side of Josh's family, another one arose this evening. I know we all have issues with the in-laws, but seriously, what the hell?!
Todd (father in-law who lives next door) was over here with Josh out at the garden. The kids were in and out a million times and I was trying to feed Jack. So I put him down and went out there. I said to Josh "are you even watching them? can you keep them out here b/c they are running around the house with dirty hands (they had been up to the farm and they were LITERALLY COVERED IN DIRT).
Todd decides to chime in before Josh can even answer and starts yelling and swearing at me "what the f*** is your f***ing problem....(you get the gist)...." Meanwhile, he sees that the girls are right at my feet hearing every word.
I told them to go inside then I said "well for one, your language. I have heard my 2 yr old say more cuss words than I say and she didn't learn them in this house. secondly, you don't seem to know that this isn't your house. We can't walk out the door without you running over with your dogs and you let them shit in our yard so my kids can't even walk to the car without stepping in it and they tear up my flower beds. there is a reason we don't have dogs Todd!".
To which he says "you know what, you are an ungrateful f***ing bitch and I don't even know why josh married you". Needless to say Josh didn't like that one. So he gets in his dads face and they go at it.
Josh throws things.
Todd and his girlfriend fight.
I go out to smooth things over with Josh.
Josh yells at me for "not getting along with any of his family".
I ask if he regrets marrying me.
I come in the house and cry...and blog.
I'm about to be done. Seriously. I'm reaching the end of my patience.
*****To the 5 people that read this, I'm sorry to vent, but I don't really have anyone else to talk to about it.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Maria started potty training about a year ago (yes she was old, don't hate). I wouldn't say she was particularly difficult to train. Maybe slightly harder than most. But like everything, once she got it....she had it and it was done. So for a while she was only wearing a diaper to bed (not naps....unless she was at my moms house....). Josh did it. I have to give him all the credit on that one because I wasn't even going to try. She would wake up soaked. So to me, it seemed ridiculous to expect her to all of a sudden not go at all for 12 hrs or get out of bed and go during the night. We had a few discussions on it and never really came to a conclusion. So one morning I went to change her diaper and....no diaper. I called. He laughed. We were proud. All good. Right? No.
That was MONTHS ago and she has never had an accident. Until 3 nights ago....and 2 nights ago...and last night. I really don't know what is going on with her. Is three nights long enough to call it a problem? The main reason I don't think this is a fluke is because last night she did it twice. At 11:00 we were going to bed (yes, I know, late for us old geezers). And heard her whimpering. Josh goes in and of course, Mr. Temper-Tantrum himself, starts yelling at her (yah, that'll do it) After dealing with it, we proceed to fight because I said she had an accident and Josh apparently feels that it's some sort of vindictive, manipulative master plan by our 4 yr old to rid herself of bedsheets and pajama pants every night. He literally scoffed at the word "accident". So then I went in at about 4:00 to find her wet again. So this morning I read her the riot act and she came back with this little nugget "mommy, I just pee in my bed because I want to". But the way I look at it is, at least she's recognizing that it happened. Two nights ago she swore up and down to me that I came into her room took off her pants and sheets for no reason at all. She had no recollection of it happening at all. It was actually kind of funny to see her so heated over my "lies and betrayal".
So the question is, what do I do with this? Today my attempt at punishment is that she can't go outside tonight. To which she responded "I didn't pee in my bed, mommy". I said "oh, so were back to denial are we"........blank stare. tough crowd.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
I still can't read them the Dr. Suess book "Oh the places you'll go". It seriously kills me. After maria was born I must have tried to read her that book a hundred times and just couldn't get through it. At least not in public. Not that the NICU nurses would have thought it odd that I was balling my freaking eyes out, because that was pretty much a daily occurrence. But never the less, certain things just make me so happy and so sad all rolled into one that I can't hold back the waterworks no matter how hard I try.
OH! Like weddings. It doesn't matter if it's a fake wedding on TV or a cousin who's marrying someone she shouldn't. I sit there and just ball like a baby. I literally take an entire BOX of tissues (not one of those measly little purse packages. those things are barely enough for the intro music). And then God help us all if I watch the video or see the pictures. And don't even get me started on the list of songs that I can't listen to in public. It's shameful.
Josh always says "oh, here she goes" at the first mention of a wedding, birth, graduation, death...any of your major life events really. I've always been this way though. I remember being 12 yrs old at my cousins wedding and using all of the Kleenex my mom had bought and being upset she hadn't brought more. I WAS 12!
The other day Sophia counted to 10 (totally on her own I was on the computer and she was reading a book). So of course, I ended up drying off my keyboard with my t-shirt. lol. And I guarantee the day Jackson says his first word, it'll be like Niagara falls.
So now Josh's brother got engaged over the weekend. If we get to go to the wedding it'll be yet another opportunity for me to showcase my incredible super-power that is "unstopable tears of joy".