Wednesday, June 24, 2009

This is for you, Andrea

Andrea posted a blog yesterday about how before we have kids we always say "I will never do that" or "my kids will never do that". And this is soooo true. After having 3 babies in less than 4 years, I have learned that NOTHING is off limits. It's easy to look at another mother and think, you could do her job better, but until you've lived it yourself, you really need to keep your mouth shut on the subject of parenting (and while you're on a roll, all other subjects). Here is my list of things that I was absolutely positive would never happen with my family, but most definitely have happened.

  • I will never let my kids throw a fit in public. this is easy to say when you don't have children. "Why can't they control that kid" used to be a phrase, Josh and I said, quite often. But I refuse to give in to my kids just because they whine and cry for something. So I would much rather everyone in the store/restaurant hear them throw a fit than let my kids know I'm a push-over. Now to be honest this has only ever happened once or twice, but the way I look at it, the rules apply wherever we are.

  • My kids will never talk-back or say a "bad" word to me. As much as I wish, I was the only influence on my childrens vocabulary, it isn't true. They hear things on TV, at school, at the park...everywhere and occasionally they do say something you wish they hadn't...and usually you wish they hadn't said it in front of your family/friends/church/playgroup etc.

  • I will never fight with my husband in front of the kids. We are definitely working on this one, but it is harder than you think. If Josh and I didn't fight in front of the kids...well we would never fight, which isn't healthy. Mostly we are working on the way we fight. We do think it is important to show the kids "healthy conflict resolution" so we are trying be positive influences in that way (didn't mean to sound like a shrink there, it just came out). But man, is it hard! No matter how much you try, you are destined to get into a screaming match at one point or another, we all do it.

  • I will never miss a vaccination/Dr. appt. Ok, now this one is not on purpose. I'm not one of those nuts that refuses to vaccinate....I'm just lazy. LOL. I honestly am one of those people that forgets about appointments or doesn't go because it's raining/snowing/cloudy/sunny lol. Taking all three of them out to wait in a waiting room for 2 hours trying to keep them all happy, only to bring home three crying children, is not exactly my idea of a good time. So unless I have someone to watch the others, I generally have to remake a Dr.'s appt at least once before I actually go to it.

  • My kids will be potty trained by age 2. Yeah...NO.

  • I will never bribe my kids. This one goes along with the previous one. If it works for me to tell the kids that if they go in the potty they will get a piece of candy (only while they are potty training). Or to say that if they eat all of their dinner we can go to Grandma's house, I say, what's the harm.

  • I will trust my Dr. implicitly. Until you've had a Dr. tell you to put your baby in her car seat backwards (as in, on her knees and belly), you may not understand this one. I have had so many fights with their doctors over stuff like that, I have learned to take their advice with a grain of salt. Sometimes mothers intuition is the best thing at the moment.

  • I will never prop a bottle. OK this one is Kara's, but I agree. I used to think, "how hard is it to sit there and feed your baby", but by the second or third baby you are far too busy to feed every single feeding. Life happens and sometimes I have 500 things to do at one time, instead of the usual 50, so I don't feel too bad about it.

But the basic gist of it all is that, no matter how many "mistakes" I have made, I've ended up with 3 of the greatest kids on the planet. They listen when I tell them to do something (even if i need to say it a few times or raise my voice). They are polite and respectful and so kind it brings tears to my eyes sometimes. They play very well with others. They are so well-behaved, people actually can't believe it. I love taking them out and hearing everyone say "oh my gosh they were sooo good!". And to hear my parents (who have the highest standards) tell me that they are the most well-behaved kids, is the best compliment I can get. It's funny to see the girls when they are around bad kids, they just sit there and stare in amazement that their parents allow them to act like that. It makes me feel so good to know that THESE are my kids. These wonderful little people, are a product of my parenting "skills" (whether they be accidental or purposeful). I must be doing a decent job or they wouldn't be so amazing...right?


andrea said...

i don't understand why everyone thinks kids need to be pottytrained by 2... if they are ready, ok, but if not, it isn't going to happen!!
i will be interested to see how my things change as the family grows (and as the baby grows!)

Danifred said...

It's so very true- you never know until you walk in the shoes of a parent. A parent probably coined the phrase "never say never."

Kara said...

totally agree with everything on your list too... I have missed countless dr appointments and I am really bad about taking Kohen to the dentist..(ok call me a bad mom but he has never been...) and the thing about fighting with your husband in front of your kids.. almost impossible not to. My kids know how much I love my husband and love them so that's all that matters.. one thing I didn't blog about (sorry this comment is so long lol) was that I always thought strangers would be nice to me about my no.. they butt their noses in and say 'oh your baby just spit up' oh thanks didn't notice! I feel bad for the next stranger to try to tell me how to raise my children..

Tricia said...

Ok... I struggle just a little bit. I wrote you a comment back on my blog. DUH... Why would you come read my blog again to read the comments AGAIN?!? Anyway... we are going to the RIU Palace in Cancun Mexico. Joe's parents have stayed there before and swear it is the nicest place they have ever gone. I will be sure to take lots of pictures. Maybe you and Josh can go there for an anniversary or something! ;-)

Diane said...

i'm guilty of all of those things as well! we do what we can! :)

visiting from SITS! have a great weekend!

Marina said...

soooo true!!!It silences us to shame ;>

Come bunny hop over to and enter 4 great giveaways (atleast I think they're great! ;>)


MJ (Hoppin' over from SITS)

Bentley Boutique said...

Mom of twins here... I broke all the rules:)Never say never. Great post. Stopping in from SITS.

Mama Mel said...

Hi from SITS! Love this! #3 is a struggle for us too. We are also working on it, but it definitely is hard when we all live in the same house. Where else are we gonna fight? I like #7 too... sometimes doctors don't always know best. I mean they're smart, but they aren't us... ;) Love your blog! Thanx for sharing!