Tuesday, September 14, 2010

the forgotten post

***OK, this was actually a post from a week ago that I just realized that I forgot to actually post. It was to be titled "water, water everywhere" or something to that effect, I wasn't quite set on that. And normally I would just forget about it, but this story is pretty funny, so I felt that it needed to be shared.

I went to the grocery store last night. Now normally, that would not be an event worth mentioning on the ole blog (except for the time I hurled in Giant Eagle and left my purse in the store). However, this trip ended with me LITERALLY soaked from head to toe by the time I got home.

I arrived to the store about the usual time. And the weather was actually quite lovely. There was a chill in the air and it had me in a great mood (feeling that fall was near). One of my favorite songs was on so I sat in the car singing my heart out...er...listening quietly, until the end. I jumped out and opened the back door to get out the water jugs (we have a water cooler so we just fill the 5 gallon water jugs every week instead of buying bottled water). The little thing in the center of the lid of one of the jugs had fallen inside. So I removed the lid and started shaking it to get the little piece out. But alas, it had suctioned itself to the jug. I finally shook it loose, but OF COURSE the slippery little bugger slipped through my fingers and rolled into a crack in the floor of the van (we have stow and go and there are two itty bitty open crevices by each seat). so at this point I give up. I decide I'll just take the one in. I grab it and my canvas bags (right now, I'm realizing how "green" this post is...). So anyway, I close the door and LITERALLY 5 seconds later it starts the most ridiculous down-pour I've ever seen in my life. I stood there like a complete moron thinking
"should I go back and wait in the car"
"should I go back and get my umbrella".
"NO that's stupid, If I go back to get the umbrella, I might as well just wait in the car"
"make a decision you stupid idiot, you're soaking wet and your pants are falling down because they are now twice their normal weight due to water retention".
"Should I run?"
"NO, then your pants will fall down even faster and in front of everyone"
"should I just walk normally"
"oh sure, by the time you get there you will be even MORE wet"
"GOD you are stupid!"

So I ended up doing this really awkward fastwalkingbutnotquiterunning thing (and keep in mind that this whole time, I'm carrying an empty 5 gallon water jug, 4 canvas bags, my purse and my keys....and my pants). Except that by the time I made the decision to do THAT, it started HAILING. HUGE.FREAKING.HAIL. pelting my body like little bullets. I get in there and I am beyond soaked. My shirt is clinging to my chubby body like spandex. My pants are having to be held up by one hand at all times lest they fall around my chubby little ankles. My hair is plastered to my face and head. And my arms and face are covered in what look like little bee stings from the hail.

I really wish this was the end of the story...but alas, it is not.

I filled the one jug of water and got my groceries. By the time I left, it was down to a sprinkle, which was practically heaven in comparison to my trip INTO the store. I unload the groceries into the back and then hoist the 41.8 lbs (yes, i googled it) of water into the van on the floor behind the driver seat.

And then it happened.


It is then that I start talking to myself.

"oh. oh my goodness. oh no. oh Gaaaawwwd. It's water. Oh no. It's everywhere. What should I do? Oh, please stop. please, please stop. you're not stopping. I said stop...please."

I then tip the jug upside down (yes, as in, stand it on the 2 inch wide opening with the little plastic lid). When I do this, it stops leaking. By now, I am crouching in the back of the van trying to decide what to do. I start thinking about what horrible decision making abilities I showed 2 hrs earlier, so I call Josh.

Me: uhhh. hi
J: hiii
Me: soooo. I broke one of the water jugs.
Me: it was filled with water.
Me: and it was in the van.
J: (losing his patience by now) OOOOOOKAY
Me: and it was the only one I filled.
J: Jesus Christ!
(now who would have thought that THAT would be what set him off?...)
Me: I'm sorry, it was an accident. I think I'm just too strong for my own good.
J: Yah, I bet that's it.

Me: So what should I do?
J: leave it in the parking lot
Me: but then what will we drink?
J: Really?
Me: well, ya know, I could probably just drive home with it like it is now.
J: How is it now?
Me: upside down. Or right side up, depending on which way you want to look at it. ya know...like the glass half empty or half full thing. hehehe.
J: yah. (not at all thinking my shit is funny) just leave it in the parking lot.

So OF COURSE I drove home holding it upside down...

Every time I stopped or sped up water would slosh out all over the place. By the time I got home the 5 gallons of water was down to about 2 1/2 and the van (and myself) was soaked. Josh came out to help me bring things in. He took the water in first and when I got inside with some bags I hear this..

"oh. Oh my God. Oh no. Towels. I need towels. It's water. It's water and it's..oh God...it's EVERYWHERE"

So of course I say...

"But is there a drop to drink?" hehehehe

He did not appreciate my humor. See neither of us really thought through the way the water cooler works. The water goes down into the cooler when the air pushes it down. Now when there is a giant crack creating an ever abundant flow of air...and in turn, WATER, there is an issue. The water was spilling up over the top of the water cooler. EVERYWHERE.

"So just pull the water jug off the water cooler" you're saying. Oh sure. Easy enough. Except we did that and the little part in the center of the lid (like the one on the other jug from the beginning of the story) had been pushed into the jug. So to recap...when it's on the cooler the water comes out over the top. when it was out and upside down, the water was coming out of the lid and when we flipped it over it came out of the crack. So there we are in the kitchen, soaked to the bone trying to plug a hole and a crack with all of our hands ("that's what she said"). We ended up with it on its side over the sink, but by now, it had more like 1 gallon of water left.

Now if you didn't laugh at that, I blame myself...I really should have stopped and taken video ;-).

Friday, September 10, 2010

a sneak peek..

of our family pictures with a great girl I went to high school with. She is really awesome and did a great job. It's officially impossible to get a pic of all 5 of us looking super duper amazing (which clearly we all do in person ;-). But the first 2 family pics are actually REALLY good. I can't wait to see the rest of them, but wanted to share this with anyone that didn't see my link on facebook. Enjoy!


Monday, September 6, 2010

awesome day

**this post has no pictures because I forgot to bring the camera. However, we took mental pictures all day long a la...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K-MfVmfm9V8

So Saturday we went to the fair. Usually, it's just an excuse to eat food that's really bad for us and make fun of people (does anyone know why the freaks come out in masses to fairs?). We like to play "did ya see" on the way home. "did ya see the 400lb lady in the tube top and spandex shorts?" "yes. did ya see the family with 3 kids and none of them had shoes on?". Anyway, it's hard because the kids aren't ever tall enough to ride any rides (except the ponies, which they ride about 5 times each). But this time they were finally over 3 ft tall, which meant RIDES! Plus, the weather was absolutely perfect (about 67 and sunny). We ended up having a REALLY great day.

As soon as we got there, we put the girls on the ferris wheel. Sophia laughed hysterically the whole time. To say she loved it, would be an understatement. Meanwhile, next to her was Maria SOBBING "get me down from here!!!" (keep in mind, this was the kiddie one and she was no more than 10 ft off the ground). Jack kept saying "WEEEEEE!" every time they went by. As soon as they got off of that Sophia was ready for some more so we went over to the little swing ride (just goes in a circle). And Maria didn't want any part of that one either. While on that, Sophia catches a glimpse of a kiddie roller coaster and it was like a moth to a flame. She kept chanting "roller coaster" like she was in a trance. It was hilarious. So while on that Maria was down on land with us about to have a panic attack that something would happen to Sophia while she was on the roller coaster. She practically ran up and got her off of it herself when it was over. It was clear that Maria wasn't going to ride any more rides, so we let Sophia ride a few more by herself and then we headed over to the "big slides" (one of the few things she will ride). The bad part about those is that Josh has to ride down with each of them because they have to be 42" to go down alone (Maria has 2 more inches to go and Sophia has about 5 more. fingers crossed for next year). So anyway, it's 8 freakin tickets ($8) just for each of them to go down once :-P Anyway, then it was the main event...riding the ponies! After that, we ended up actually finding a bench (rare) and being able to sit down to eat. Then we left Josh there with his friends and dad to watch his 2nd tractor pull of the weekend while I took the kids home (one of those things he likes to do with his friends every year while I'm at home watching Christmas movies or scrapbooking :-).
Oh and on the way home I noticed that the sunset was absolutely beautiful. Just a perfect end to an awesome day!

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Jack in the box

I had totally intended to do an 18 month post about our little Jack-in-the-box in July, when it was actually happening. But somehow I forgot. (Bad Mommy!) Anyway, here are a few things that I want to remember about Jackson as he is right now

  • When he knows he's doing something wrong he starts nodding "yes" before I can even start shaking my head "no". He looks so darn cute doing it that I almost don't want to say "no" at all.
  • When Josh pulls in the driveway he runs through the house screaming (at the top of his little lungs) "DAAAAAAAAD!"
  • His favorite new words are "CHEESE!" and "what?". The way he says "what?" to the girls is so stinkin cute there are no words for it. He sounds like me or something (not that I am even remotely cute, it's just cute b/c he is "parenting" his 2 older sisters).
  • His favorite old words are "uh oh" and "daaaaaad" (Josh and I are BOTH daaaaad, in case you were wondering).
  • He is attached to me ALL.THE.TIME. I hate to call him a mama's boy for fear that he will read this in 15 yrs and be mortified, but alas, it's the truth.
  • Favorite foods include goldfish, fruit snacks, blueberry waffles, mac & cheese and any variety of Gerber ravioli.
  • Favorite toys include anything he's been told "no" about a hundred times such as, the trash, the recycling, the shoes, any food in the bottom shelf of the pantry, folded clothes, the button on the fans (even after it's been unplugged), anything in any of the kitchen cabinets and anything the girls are currently playing with.
  • Newest tricks: opening doors, putting his (and the girls, if they let him) clothes in the correct hampers (one for darks and one for lights), taking off his diaper in bed and smearing poo all over his bed (obviously, this one is my *favorite*) and turning off/on the TV with the stolen remote that he is holding behind the couch so I can't see him (though, I can hear him b/c he's giggling about it the whole time).
  • He's a big freaking flirt. I don't know how he knows the difference between a pretty girl and a not so pretty girl. But he does and he only flirts with the pretty ones (however, he does not discriminate based on age. I've seen him go for quite a few classy older gals too). Going to the grocery store with this kid is about like I'd imagine taking him to a hooters will be in 15 yrs. They just flock to him and he loves every minute of it. He poses and bats his eye lashes and tries to kiss them and smiles. It's hilarious and horrifying all at the same time.
  • He has recently earned the nickname "the high stepper" because of the way he marches all around the house kicking his legs out as high as he can in front of him. No idea where this came from but it's here and it's funny as hell. (Unless, of course, he got it from one of his nazi friends, in which case we'll be putting a stop to it right away).

***As I sit here and type this he is pressing his face up against the screen in the window screaming "daaaaad" because he hears the neighbor mowing his lawn. pre-shus! lol