the forgotten post

***OK, this was actually a post from a week ago that I just realized that I forgot to actually post. It was to be titled "water, water everywhere" or something to that effect, I wasn't quite set on that. And normally I would just forget about it, but this story is pretty funny, so I felt that it needed to be shared.

I went to the grocery store last night. Now normally, that would not be an event worth mentioning on the ole blog (except for the time I hurled in Giant Eagle and left my purse in the store). However, this trip ended with me LITERALLY soaked from head to toe by the time I got home.

I arrived to the store about the usual time. And the weather was actually quite lovely. There was a chill in the air and it had me in a great mood (feeling that fall was near). One of my favorite songs was on so I sat in the car singing my heart out...er...listening quietly, until the end. I jumped out and opened the back door to get out the water jugs (we have a water cooler so we just fill the 5 gallon water jugs every week instead of buying bottled water). The little thing in the center of the lid of one of the jugs had fallen inside. So I removed the lid and started shaking it to get the little piece out. But alas, it had suctioned itself to the jug. I finally shook it loose, but OF COURSE the slippery little bugger slipped through my fingers and rolled into a crack in the floor of the van (we have stow and go and there are two itty bitty open crevices by each seat). so at this point I give up. I decide I'll just take the one in. I grab it and my canvas bags (right now, I'm realizing how "green" this post is...). So anyway, I close the door and LITERALLY 5 seconds later it starts the most ridiculous down-pour I've ever seen in my life. I stood there like a complete moron thinking
"should I go back and wait in the car"
"should I go back and get my umbrella".
"NO that's stupid, If I go back to get the umbrella, I might as well just wait in the car"
"make a decision you stupid idiot, you're soaking wet and your pants are falling down because they are now twice their normal weight due to water retention".
"Should I run?"
"NO, then your pants will fall down even faster and in front of everyone"
"should I just walk normally"
"oh sure, by the time you get there you will be even MORE wet"
"GOD you are stupid!"

So I ended up doing this really awkward fastwalkingbutnotquiterunning thing (and keep in mind that this whole time, I'm carrying an empty 5 gallon water jug, 4 canvas bags, my purse and my keys....and my pants). Except that by the time I made the decision to do THAT, it started HAILING. HUGE.FREAKING.HAIL. pelting my body like little bullets. I get in there and I am beyond soaked. My shirt is clinging to my chubby body like spandex. My pants are having to be held up by one hand at all times lest they fall around my chubby little ankles. My hair is plastered to my face and head. And my arms and face are covered in what look like little bee stings from the hail.

I really wish this was the end of the story...but alas, it is not.

I filled the one jug of water and got my groceries. By the time I left, it was down to a sprinkle, which was practically heaven in comparison to my trip INTO the store. I unload the groceries into the back and then hoist the 41.8 lbs (yes, i googled it) of water into the van on the floor behind the driver seat.

And then it happened.

CRACK!!!.....GUSH!!!

It is then that I start talking to myself.

"oh. oh my goodness. oh no. oh Gaaaawwwd. It's water. Oh no. It's everywhere. What should I do? Oh, please stop. please, please stop. you're not stopping. I said stop...please."

I then tip the jug upside down (yes, as in, stand it on the 2 inch wide opening with the little plastic lid). When I do this, it stops leaking. By now, I am crouching in the back of the van trying to decide what to do. I start thinking about what horrible decision making abilities I showed 2 hrs earlier, so I call Josh.

Me: uhhh. hi
J: hiii
Me: soooo. I broke one of the water jugs.
J: OK
Me: it was filled with water.
J: OK
Me: and it was in the van.
J: (losing his patience by now) OOOOOOKAY
Me: and it was the only one I filled.
J: Jesus Christ!
(now who would have thought that THAT would be what set him off?...)
Me: I'm sorry, it was an accident. I think I'm just too strong for my own good.
J: Yah, I bet that's it.
Me: So what should I do?
J: leave it in the parking lot
Me: but then what will we drink?
J: Really?
Me: well, ya know, I could probably just drive home with it like it is now.
J: How is it now?
Me: upside down. Or right side up, depending on which way you want to look at it. ya know...like the glass half empty or half full thing. hehehe.
J: yah. (not at all thinking my shit is funny) just leave it in the parking lot.

So OF COURSE I drove home holding it upside down...

Every time I stopped or sped up water would slosh out all over the place. By the time I got home the 5 gallons of water was down to about 2 1/2 and the van (and myself) was soaked. Josh came out to help me bring things in. He took the water in first and when I got inside with some bags I hear this..

"oh. Oh my God. Oh no. Towels. I need towels. It's water. It's water and it's..oh God...it's EVERYWHERE"

So of course I say...

"But is there a drop to drink?" hehehehe

He did not appreciate my humor. See neither of us really thought through the way the water cooler works. The water goes down into the cooler when the air pushes it down. Now when there is a giant crack creating an ever abundant flow of air...and in turn, WATER, there is an issue. The water was spilling up over the top of the water cooler. EVERYWHERE.

"So just pull the water jug off the water cooler" you're saying. Oh sure. Easy enough. Except we did that and the little part in the center of the lid (like the one on the other jug from the beginning of the story) had been pushed into the jug. So to recap...when it's on the cooler the water comes out over the top. when it was out and upside down, the water was coming out of the lid and when we flipped it over it came out of the crack. So there we are in the kitchen, soaked to the bone trying to plug a hole and a crack with all of our hands ("that's what she said"). We ended up with it on its side over the sink, but by now, it had more like 1 gallon of water left.

Now if you didn't laugh at that, I blame myself...I really should have stopped and taken video ;-).

My favorites

I got this idea from Danifred (though, if I remember correctly she got it from someone else).

In honor of my birthday, I'm going to do a list of my favorite things.

Hearing "you're the best Mommy in the whooooole world" every day This one's self explanatory. Who wouldn't love that?! However a close second is when they tell me "I will miss yoooou" 15 times in a row, every time I walk out the door. It's precious.
Moose Tracks Ice cream I used to eat it all the time in high school, with my friends at lunch time, and it still brings back memories when I eat it now.
Pawn Stars This show is awesome. It's all my favorite things rolled into one. I'm always drooling over all of the historical stuff people bring in there and I'm always yelling at the TV when they sell it too cheap...or at all (I'm talking about YOU, guy who sold his revolutionary war bond made by Paul Revere for a couple grand and a guitar!!).
Falling in Love by Philosophy. It's my signature scent. Honestly, It's the only perfume I've worn in years...I'm actually running low in case anyone's looking to get me a belated B-Day gift ;-)
History ANY kind of history. I'm always reading, researching, googling, watching documentaries, any way I can get my brain around some good history is good with me. It just really fascinates me how different and yet how similar we are to the people that lived hundreds or even thousands of years ago. I always tell Josh that if we win the lottery, our new house will be like a little mini-museum with all kinds of cool artifacts and antiques.
Jeopardy I know it's corny, but I love watching to see how many answers I know in a show. Everyone's always telling me to try out, which IS on my bucket list, but I've got at least another decade of learning to do before I'd feel really comfortable going for it.
Edward S. Curtis. He's my all-time favorite photographer. Even though he really only photographed one particular genre (Native Americans) he did it so incredibly well, that I can't help but cry when I look at some of his photographs.
***side note*** my birthday gift this year was 2 of his books, a book about our founding fathers and a travel book about Europe...and I couldn't be happier :D

Mothers day gifts, big and small

When Maria came home from school on Wednesday, she was sooo excited to give me her gifts. I told her that she could wait until Sunday, but she insisted. What I got was BEAUTIFUL and perfect.

This is my mother (and there is a picture she drew of me). Her name is Mom. She is about old, old, old years old (gee thanks). She has green eyes and black hair. She weighs 2 pounds (ok seriously thank you for that one). Her favorite food is mac & cheese (no, that's YOUR favorite food lol). She's smart and she knows all about saving me from Pia because she hits me. (I LOL'ed so hard at that). When she's not with me, she spends her time cleaning up. Best of all, mother likes to turn off the TV. Mother takes care of me by giving me good food and hugs. I think my mother is best in the world because I love her. If I could wish for anything in the world for my mother, it would be flowers. Love Maria

And this one made me bawl my eyes out...which then upset Maria because she thought I didn't like it...epic "mommy" fail. I then spent the day explaining to her that sometimes we cry because we are soooo happy and love someone soooo much.

Sometimes you get discouraged because I am so small
And always leave my fingerprints on furniture and walls

But everyday I am growing up and soon I'll be so tall
That all those little hand prints will be hard to recall.

So here's a final hand print just so you can say
This is how my fingers looked on this Mother's Day!

I'll have pics of Mother's Day and a recap of the day, tomorrow.

75 Things

Alright Tricia, I will accept your challenge to write 75 interesting facts about myself. OK, I don't know how interesting they will be, but they will be facts. ;-)

1. I wanted to go to Paris on my honeymoon.
2. But I would never change a thing about the honeymoon we actually took to Cabo.
3. I HATE tomatoes
4. But I LOVE tomato sauce, spaghetti sauce & ketchup.
5. I LOVE apples and anything with apples in it.
6. But I HATE applesauce
7. I HATE when people use a "k" to start words that are supposed to start with a "c"
8. I LOVE anything even remotely related to Elvis Presley
9. I would rather cook and/or bake than do just about anything
10. Josh has always and probably will always hand wash the dishes (I do the dishwasher and everything else though, don't worry)
11. I had pretty bad post-partum depression after I had Jack and I only recently got through it because I didn't take any meds.
12. That is actually the first time I ever admitted that.
13. I say I need a break from the kids every day
14. But I would never actually be able to leave them and go to an "outside" job.
15. My favorite season is fall.
16. But my favorite Holiday is Christmas. It is seriously a sick obsession that starts in July and ends with me sobbing all day on Dec. 26th because, in my own words "it's all over".
17. I have always secretly wanted to live in Seattle. I really don't know why, though.
18. I believe that the number 5 is lucky for me.
19. I am a compulsive list maker...it's a sickness, really
20. I watch every documentary/show/miniseries/movie that has anything to do with World War II.
21. I married my high school sweetheart.
22. I was the only one in high school though ;-)
23. I hated my first high school...
24. But I hated my second one even more.
25. I have had 12 different jobs in my life (not including babysitting)
26. The only one I want to do for the rest of my life, is the one I'm doing right now.
27. I get 80% of the gifts I give from QVC.
28. I get 80% of the clothes I wear from QVC.
29. I HATE the heat. (mostly it's the sweating=being dirty that I dislike)
30. One day I hope to finish my list of 1000 places to see before I die (I changed some from the book)
31. I don't understand people who go on the same vacation every year. I want to travel all over the world, not go on a Caribbean cruise every year or to myrtle beach every summer.
32. I have always wanted to get jury duty
33. I have never had jury duty
34. Josh and I have been talking about going to Alaska since we met, and I can't wait until it actually happens. (even if I have to wait 20 years to be able to pay cash and not charge it on a credit card)
35. Josh and I have canceled our credit card and vowed to never use one again. We used it a couple years ago for a couple big purchases and we are STILL paying it off.
36. I only drink pop about once a year (and it's either orange pop or root beer)
37. I am a very picky eater and it is one thing that I really dislike about myself
38. I have never had a beer
39. But I have had many other alcoholic beverages ;-)
40. When I was a teenager I didn't want to ever be married or have children
41. That all changed when I started dating Josh
42. I think I like some of the kids shows more than my kids do (the Backyardigans and the penguins of Madagascar)
43. I do crosswords puzzles all the time because I once heard it can help prevent Alzheimer's
44. I have always wanted to go on Jeopardy
45. I will never actually try out though
46. I'm a Republican
47. I used to be a Democrat (before I grew up)
48. I can't stand it when people have really bad wigs. It takes all my power not to pull it off their heads
49. No one rides in my car without a seat belt. (Even Travis!)
50. It would not take much prodding to get me to just pick up and move away
51. I believe that I actually "saw the light" the night before Maria was born.
52. It was strangely peaceful and not scary at all.
53. I have a very good sense of smell
54. I have always wanted to learn the dance to Thriller. (and I am only reminded of it, now because of all the recent news coverage)
55. My dad wanted to name me Dawn.
56. Josh wanted to name Jackson, Mason
57. If Jack had been a girl, we would have named him Katherine (and called him Kate)
58. That is in no way related to the show Lost.
59. I HATE Jackson Pollick
60. I can only count on one hand the amount of times I've gone out in public with the kids where someone didn't come up and touch them.
61. I miss Maria's speech, physical and occupational therapists
62. I don't miss Maria going to therapy at all.
63. I hate nicknames
64. But we only call our own kids their real names about half the time
65. Gum gives me a stomach ache
66. I love swimming
67. I can't remember the last time I actually went swimming (I prefer not to make the people around me barf lol)
68. I couldn't care less about Michael Jackson dying
69. I can't stand when people say "I could care less" because that infers that you COULD care less....which means that you do care and it makes you sound stupid.
70. My Grandpa used to always give me werther's original candies
71. I still think of him every time I eat them
72. I have always wanted to win the lottery
73. I have never played the lottery
74. I am probably too sarcastic for my own good
75. I love getting blog comments :D