the forgotten post

***OK, this was actually a post from a week ago that I just realized that I forgot to actually post. It was to be titled "water, water everywhere" or something to that effect, I wasn't quite set on that. And normally I would just forget about it, but this story is pretty funny, so I felt that it needed to be shared.

I went to the grocery store last night. Now normally, that would not be an event worth mentioning on the ole blog (except for the time I hurled in Giant Eagle and left my purse in the store). However, this trip ended with me LITERALLY soaked from head to toe by the time I got home.

I arrived to the store about the usual time. And the weather was actually quite lovely. There was a chill in the air and it had me in a great mood (feeling that fall was near). One of my favorite songs was on so I sat in the car singing my heart out...er...listening quietly, until the end. I jumped out and opened the back door to get out the water jugs (we have a water cooler so we just fill the 5 gallon water jugs every week instead of buying bottled water). The little thing in the center of the lid of one of the jugs had fallen inside. So I removed the lid and started shaking it to get the little piece out. But alas, it had suctioned itself to the jug. I finally shook it loose, but OF COURSE the slippery little bugger slipped through my fingers and rolled into a crack in the floor of the van (we have stow and go and there are two itty bitty open crevices by each seat). so at this point I give up. I decide I'll just take the one in. I grab it and my canvas bags (right now, I'm realizing how "green" this post is...). So anyway, I close the door and LITERALLY 5 seconds later it starts the most ridiculous down-pour I've ever seen in my life. I stood there like a complete moron thinking
"should I go back and wait in the car"
"should I go back and get my umbrella".
"NO that's stupid, If I go back to get the umbrella, I might as well just wait in the car"
"make a decision you stupid idiot, you're soaking wet and your pants are falling down because they are now twice their normal weight due to water retention".
"Should I run?"
"NO, then your pants will fall down even faster and in front of everyone"
"should I just walk normally"
"oh sure, by the time you get there you will be even MORE wet"
"GOD you are stupid!"

So I ended up doing this really awkward fastwalkingbutnotquiterunning thing (and keep in mind that this whole time, I'm carrying an empty 5 gallon water jug, 4 canvas bags, my purse and my keys....and my pants). Except that by the time I made the decision to do THAT, it started HAILING. HUGE.FREAKING.HAIL. pelting my body like little bullets. I get in there and I am beyond soaked. My shirt is clinging to my chubby body like spandex. My pants are having to be held up by one hand at all times lest they fall around my chubby little ankles. My hair is plastered to my face and head. And my arms and face are covered in what look like little bee stings from the hail.

I really wish this was the end of the story...but alas, it is not.

I filled the one jug of water and got my groceries. By the time I left, it was down to a sprinkle, which was practically heaven in comparison to my trip INTO the store. I unload the groceries into the back and then hoist the 41.8 lbs (yes, i googled it) of water into the van on the floor behind the driver seat.

And then it happened.

CRACK!!!.....GUSH!!!

It is then that I start talking to myself.

"oh. oh my goodness. oh no. oh Gaaaawwwd. It's water. Oh no. It's everywhere. What should I do? Oh, please stop. please, please stop. you're not stopping. I said stop...please."

I then tip the jug upside down (yes, as in, stand it on the 2 inch wide opening with the little plastic lid). When I do this, it stops leaking. By now, I am crouching in the back of the van trying to decide what to do. I start thinking about what horrible decision making abilities I showed 2 hrs earlier, so I call Josh.

Me: uhhh. hi
J: hiii
Me: soooo. I broke one of the water jugs.
J: OK
Me: it was filled with water.
J: OK
Me: and it was in the van.
J: (losing his patience by now) OOOOOOKAY
Me: and it was the only one I filled.
J: Jesus Christ!
(now who would have thought that THAT would be what set him off?...)
Me: I'm sorry, it was an accident. I think I'm just too strong for my own good.
J: Yah, I bet that's it.
Me: So what should I do?
J: leave it in the parking lot
Me: but then what will we drink?
J: Really?
Me: well, ya know, I could probably just drive home with it like it is now.
J: How is it now?
Me: upside down. Or right side up, depending on which way you want to look at it. ya know...like the glass half empty or half full thing. hehehe.
J: yah. (not at all thinking my shit is funny) just leave it in the parking lot.

So OF COURSE I drove home holding it upside down...

Every time I stopped or sped up water would slosh out all over the place. By the time I got home the 5 gallons of water was down to about 2 1/2 and the van (and myself) was soaked. Josh came out to help me bring things in. He took the water in first and when I got inside with some bags I hear this..

"oh. Oh my God. Oh no. Towels. I need towels. It's water. It's water and it's..oh God...it's EVERYWHERE"

So of course I say...

"But is there a drop to drink?" hehehehe

He did not appreciate my humor. See neither of us really thought through the way the water cooler works. The water goes down into the cooler when the air pushes it down. Now when there is a giant crack creating an ever abundant flow of air...and in turn, WATER, there is an issue. The water was spilling up over the top of the water cooler. EVERYWHERE.

"So just pull the water jug off the water cooler" you're saying. Oh sure. Easy enough. Except we did that and the little part in the center of the lid (like the one on the other jug from the beginning of the story) had been pushed into the jug. So to recap...when it's on the cooler the water comes out over the top. when it was out and upside down, the water was coming out of the lid and when we flipped it over it came out of the crack. So there we are in the kitchen, soaked to the bone trying to plug a hole and a crack with all of our hands ("that's what she said"). We ended up with it on its side over the sink, but by now, it had more like 1 gallon of water left.

Now if you didn't laugh at that, I blame myself...I really should have stopped and taken video ;-).

awesome day

**this post has no pictures because I forgot to bring the camera. However, we took mental pictures all day long a la...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K-MfVmfm9V8

So Saturday we went to the fair. Usually, it's just an excuse to eat food that's really bad for us and make fun of people (does anyone know why the freaks come out in masses to fairs?). We like to play "did ya see" on the way home. "did ya see the 400lb lady in the tube top and spandex shorts?" "yes. did ya see the family with 3 kids and none of them had shoes on?". Anyway, it's hard because the kids aren't ever tall enough to ride any rides (except the ponies, which they ride about 5 times each). But this time they were finally over 3 ft tall, which meant RIDES! Plus, the weather was absolutely perfect (about 67 and sunny). We ended up having a REALLY great day.

As soon as we got there, we put the girls on the ferris wheel. Sophia laughed hysterically the whole time. To say she loved it, would be an understatement. Meanwhile, next to her was Maria SOBBING "get me down from here!!!" (keep in mind, this was the kiddie one and she was no more than 10 ft off the ground). Jack kept saying "WEEEEEE!" every time they went by. As soon as they got off of that Sophia was ready for some more so we went over to the little swing ride (just goes in a circle). And Maria didn't want any part of that one either. While on that, Sophia catches a glimpse of a kiddie roller coaster and it was like a moth to a flame. She kept chanting "roller coaster" like she was in a trance. It was hilarious. So while on that Maria was down on land with us about to have a panic attack that something would happen to Sophia while she was on the roller coaster. She practically ran up and got her off of it herself when it was over. It was clear that Maria wasn't going to ride any more rides, so we let Sophia ride a few more by herself and then we headed over to the "big slides" (one of the few things she will ride). The bad part about those is that Josh has to ride down with each of them because they have to be 42" to go down alone (Maria has 2 more inches to go and Sophia has about 5 more. fingers crossed for next year). So anyway, it's 8 freakin tickets ($8) just for each of them to go down once :-P Anyway, then it was the main event...riding the ponies! After that, we ended up actually finding a bench (rare) and being able to sit down to eat. Then we left Josh there with his friends and dad to watch his 2nd tractor pull of the weekend while I took the kids home (one of those things he likes to do with his friends every year while I'm at home watching Christmas movies or scrapbooking :-).
Oh and on the way home I noticed that the sunset was absolutely beautiful. Just a perfect end to an awesome day!

friday night leftovers

The leftover action is back and I'm getting back into it too.

• Josh hit the old family photo motherload a couple nights ago at his grandma's house. He brought back some of the most beautiful pictures and a year of love letters between his grandparents that brought me to tears more than once. I always knew that their love was real, but wow. And the more I read, the more I see that she and I were a LOT alike. I have an entire letter here that she wrote in 1947, that I EASILY could have written last week (except for all the "shall's"). Anyway, I'm planning on starting my "way-back wednesdays" back up, if people still like them.
• I've been GLUED to ancestry.com for the last week (I got 2 weeks free). I'm trying to get as much out of it as I can because I really don't want to pay for it (yes, I am THAT cheap lol). I've done REALLY well, too and I actually think I'll be "done" (if that's ever possible) by next week.
• My bestie of 20 YEARS (omg, I'm old! I can't believe I've had a friend since I was 6!) came to town and I was soo happy she agreed to meet us at the park on Tuesday. I had already promised the girls we'd go. So it was really nice to catch up with her. If you'd like to follow along with her she just started blogging about her life, hubby, family, IF issues, etc. at www.lifeonwindyhill.blogspot.com
• It's been so un-Godly H.O.T.T. here, that I can't even freaking stand it. Summer is generally not my favorite time of year (it's all the sweating and the feeling dirty all.the.time.), but DEFINITELY not when it's 98 degrees every flippin day. And when we don't have central air, it's downright unbearable. The rain today was supposed to cool it off, but no such luck. "Cooled off" is 84 and HUMID...blargh. Call me when it's fall. THAT is when I'll be back to my happy self again.

getting back in the game

OK, I'm quite sure you've all noticed my horrid blogging practices lately. I mean 3 posts in a month? Totally unacceptable! I'm ashamed of myself. Ok, not quite, but I do feel like I need to get back in the game a little bit here. So I'll be trying my hardest to blog 3 times a week, even if it's just something short and sweet, it'll be something.

Fathers day came and went without major event. We moved Josh's mom into her new house that weekend, then we went back over there to help her with some stuff. Then we visited with his dad for a little while. It was difficult because he had to work until about 9:00 so as soon as he got home we got the girls shoes on and headed over. As we were walking over we saw that Josh's brothers wife pulled in with her kids so we had to turn around and go back home. We sat there waiting (keeping the kids up waaaaay past their bedtimes) for them to leave. After a half an hour we finally just decided to go over and completely ignore her. After a little while, she finally got the hint and left. But still, it was almost 10 o'clock so the girls didn't get to bed until after 10:30, which I don't think they've ever done. We were sitting there trying to talk and they were begging to go home and go to bed. So that night Josh and I talked about how maybe we should sit down and talk with them (Travis and Candy) to try to make up. I mean after the things she has said and done, we wont ever be best friends, but the least we could do is try to work through some of it to try to make up. I emailed Josh's brother the next day and 2 days later he sent me an email back that said they have no intention of EVER making up with us. nice. So needless to say when I read the email to Josh he was beyond disappointed in his brother and what he has become since being with that woman.

However, in spite of that, it was still a relaxing weekend and it was great to see a REAL father in action. We are soooo lucky to have Josh. I can't tell him that enough. I'm sure my friends on facebook get sick of hearing it, but I really don't care. We are blessed to have each other and have such love in our home that so many other people don't have. We have chosen to raise our kids differently than I was raised. We shower our kids with love and compliments. We will try to build the bonds between them, instead of forcing them to take sides. And he would never dream of going a year without seeing them. I am so happy to have Josh as my partner in this life. And the kids will grow up knowing how lucky they are to have him as their father.

Last weekend Josh went over and offered to cut down a dead tree in his dads yard because he was worried about someone getting hurt. Branches kept just randomly falling down (and when I say branches, I mean HUGE tree limbs). So that was quite a sight. Every time he would cut a limb down, it would come crashing to the ground into little pieces and the kids would yell over there from our deck "ooooooohh!" lol. It was really cute. They didn't get all the way finished, but probably halfway.

a couple things...

So, Daddy built them a swing set last weekend and it's been the cause for lots and lots of giggles all week...from everyone in the house. It's 10ft tall. No joke. Because Josh thought 8ft wouldn't be quite tall enough for our 3ft tall children lol. We've both been making jokes about it ever since it went up. He came in the house and goes "uhhh hey, could you call Labron James to come hang up these swings for me". I go out there and see it with my own eyes. I say "hunny, you know the kids are ours right?" (he's 5'5" and I'm 5'2"...and Maria has a medical condition literally called "short stature"). He hung up the swings with the original chain that they came with and they came up to the girls heads...cue jokes, and jokes, and jokes... Anyway, after 8ft of extra chain, it's great and I can't wait until next year when we build the tower and slide part.

Me and Pia pants hanging out outside. (no, I wont cut her bangs, I'm trying to grow them out, they're just in an awkward phase right now)

This picture cracks me up. I love the teeth and the squinty eyes. Precious.

Maria had her last day of school on Wed. Yes, I cried...I sobbed in fact. Hey, they played the song "let them be little" and read a poem entitled "we give them back to you". Trust me, they wanted some tears...and they got them. She has grown sooooo much since the first day of school. She has really come a long way in the last 9 months.

Maria on the first day...

and on the last.

The girls on the first day...

and on the last day.

big tear...

Don't forget...

Danifred did a post a while (is it awhile or a while?) back where she listed things she doesn't want to forget about her kids right now. And I'm a cheater cheater pumpkin eater, so I'm going to copy her paper and do one of my own, however, mine will just be about LIFE right now.

• Jackson does this thing where he holds onto a table or the couch etc. and sort of bounces and giggles so hard he can't catch his breath. It's hilarious and sooo stinking cute, but Josh always has to go and make it dirty and he says that it looks "just wrong"...men! lol
• I was just talking to a friend about how I think that Josh and I are the definition of opposites attracting. We are always teaching each other things and opening each others eyes to new things. And I think we really do bring out the best in each other. After being with him for almost 8 years, I honestly don't know how couples who are really similar can be happy (or get anything done) that way.
• Marias teacher tells me that "I wish every child had maria's sense of humor" at least once a week. I love it. I think she is just a genuinely happy kid so she will laugh and giggle and carry on about literally ANYTHING.
• I think Sophia has a future as an exercise instructor. She's always gathering us up and giving orders for different "moves" she wants us to do. "circle you head", "lift up you arms", "shake you booty", "flap you wings" (this one is her favorite and she just looooves it if her "wings" touch the person beside hers.) And it's always totally random like if we're all in the kitchen after dinner she'll just start doing it.
• On the subject of jobs, I'm almost positive that Jack will be a garbage man. I CANNOT keep the kid out of the trash. It's ridiculous. And it's not just the trash, it's the recycling, the girls toys, the DVD drawer, the picture boxes. Anything he can get his sticky little hands on, is fair game. I love him, I really do, but by the end of the day, that boy is working my last nerve! (my hope here is that in 10 years when I read this, I'll be thinking "Oh, I'm sooo glad he grew out of THAT!"...but I'm not holding my breath)
• When Jack walks it's HILARIOUS. He takes the smallest steps ever. It takes him 500 steps to get 5 feet. I love it. The difference between the way they all walk in the beginning is really interesting to me. Sophia used to not move the top half of her body and it was soo funny. And maria started running the day after she started walking. I kid you not, I actually have video to prove it. LOL
• The girls ask to play with play-doh and to color every.single.day. And it's always before 8:30am. I started telling them that the rule is, not to ask until after I get done with my breakfast so that my eyes can be fully awake. So now they come into our room at 7:am asking if my eyes are awake yet. lol
• Last night while the girls were going to the bathroom before bed, Josh layed down in Marias bed. I layed down next to him and I said "awww. are ya happy honey, both of us squeezing into a twin bed, just like when we were first dating" lol. Then the girls both climbed into bed with us and Josh says "No. This is SOO much better". My heart melted.

I wish I could remember everything about them forever. The way they say every word and the things they just have to have a certain way. In 15 years, I will be wishing I could go back and remember all the little things, hopefully posts like this will help remind me of the simple things about our life that make it SOOO amazing and such an incredible blessing.

MHR

My husband rocks for many, many reasons. But the one I keep replaying in my head for the last 24 hours, occurred exactly 5 years ago today. Exactly five years ago today I went into the hospital with the worst pain I'd ever experienced in my life. I was told later that day that our baby girl had a 60% chance of survival and I had about a 70% chance. We were young and dumb and naive and we were not prepared for any of it. He'd only been my husband for 3 weeks and there we were, in the midst of hell. But he was there. Every minute, he was there. He was there from the beginning when they (as usual) couldn't get a line in me for over a half an hour and had to resort to a central line. He was the one yelling at the doctor for hurting me. He was there through it all. Sneaking me water and holding my hand. He did things for me that I can't even imagine doing for another person. Those days before and after she was born, were the scariest of our lives. But we got through it together. And he was there through her 3 months in the NICU keeping me from losing it every single day. There were days where he held me for hours and let me cry. And there were days that he knew I just needed to be left alone. He was the only one to recognize that I needed a break to save my sanity, towards the end. My husband is not an outwardly emotional person, but in those months, he wore his heart on his sleeve and I loved him sooo much more for it. I never knew I could love him as much as the day he held her for the first time and cried so incredibly hard on the drive home. I talked to my mom about it the next day and she said the best sentence I've ever heard. She said, "you will never love your husband more as a man, than when you see him as a father". It's unbelievably true. And for a man that just HAD to have a boy, he's been wrapped around that little girls finger since day one. I love it, and I love him. I wouldn't have made it through the last five years (exactly) with anyone other than him.

I could have sworn...

I could have sworn we were raising girls....but apparently we're raising sailors.

Maria: (as she stands up on her chair and shakes her butt at Sophia) You wanna see my booty Pia?

Sophia: No. You wanna see my mouth Mia! (as she opens her mouth to show off her chewed up food)

Josh: What the hell are you teaching them every day!

Clearly, I am not the negative influence here. ;-)

Way Back Wednesday

As I mentioned yesterday, I'm a sucker for old photos. So I thought I would share some of our families with you. I might even make it a weekly thing. If it catches on, I'll get an icon and a mr. linky. But until then, feel free to join in and do a way back wed of your own. (remember to link to me)


These are pictures of Joshs grandpa (dad's dad) or pictures he took during the war. He was in WWII and for some of the time (1944) he was in Iraq and Iran (I didn't even realize people were stationed there back then).

The back of this one says "an old man making mud bricks". I just think it's a cool picture.







The back of this one says "Taken at the entrance of Daniel's Tomb in Iran -Dec 2, 1943"

His wife wrote "this is the one I like" on the back of this one. I like it too.

5 yrs together

Today is Josh and my 5 year anniversary. To say it's gone fast would be an understatement.

Here's what I remember most about our wedding day...

• I remember being more calm than I've ever been in my life. I don't think everyone has to be that way. I can totally understand how someone would be nervous on their wedding day, I just wasn't. My maid of honor kept asking me if I was scared or nervous or anything. I kept reassuring her that I was fine. I think everyone else in the wedding party was more scared than I was. I just knew it was exactly what I was supposed to be doing.



• I remember missing Josh. I think it was because it was such a huge day and I wanted to talk to my best friend about it. But I couldn't because my best friend was being hidden from me. (against his will, btw. hey, I'm a traditional girl)
  


• I remember not knowing what to do when I walked down the isle. I wanted to smile and cry and run all the way down it and give Josh a big hug. I just couldn't decide, so it ended up being a mixture of all of those things...including a bit of a waddle (which I didn't notice until watching the video).



• I remember hearing Josh's Grandma say "oh wow, she looks beautiful" as I walked down the isle. Now this was not an easy woman to please, TRUST ME. I worried constantly that she wasn't going to like me or a choice I made. She kept telling me to wear my hair down even though I wanted it up. And she told me to wear an ivory dress even though I had bought my white one before I got pregnant so I couldn't really do anything about it. So hearing her say that, made me really happy. She was a difficult woman, but I actually really miss her now that she's gone.



• I remember not remembering anyone from the ceremony. I honestly never looked at anyone but Josh (and the Pastor...and Travis because he was right behind Josh and he was staring right at me lol).



• I remember Josh's ring was HUGE on his finger.



• I remember squeezing Josh's arm and hand and him squeezing mine back, the WHOLE time. You can actually see it in the video if you're looking for it.



• I remember walking into the reception hall. I LOVE that part on the video too. It was such an awesome feeling and the DJ was amazing and they made it really memorable.



• I remember Josh and a bunch of the guys doing the Y.M.C.A. Memorable, does not begin to describe that dance.



• I remember everyone telling us it was the best wedding they've ever been to. Actually, they still tell us that all the time. Also, the bartender (whose wife owns a bakery) said that our cake was the best he'd ever eaten. It was REALLY good and Josh and I designed it together. Also it was super cheap too, so that's always good.



• I remember being so exhausted by the end of it I wanted to fall asleep on the tables. My feet were swollen beyond recognition, my pregnant belly that I had shoved into a corseted dress was sore, my back hurt from dancing like a teenager all night (a NON-pregnant one) and my head hurt from all of it. Little did I know, I was already starting to have symptoms of HELLP (well pre-e at that point).

I know that there were probably some bad memories from that day too, but when I think of our wedding, I only think of the good ones. The last 5 years have been far from easy, but we've gotten through all of it TOGETHER. That is what makes a good marriage. A good marriage doesn't mean that you never have any problems or fights. A good marriage has those things and gets through them and it gets stronger and stronger every day.

I love you Baby. I can't wait for the next 50 years together.

Best parts of my day

• Being woken up by either a) the girls begging for food lol. or b) josh kissing me (either option is awesome)
• Hearing the girls say "bye, my booey" when josh leaves for work (we have no idea what that means, but they've been saying it for more than a year)
• Watching Jack actually EAT ON HIS OWN. Omigosh, he's finally eating finger food by himself (no medieval force-feeding torture machine needed ;-))
• The girls "tippin toe" (tip-toeing) out to the living room and peeking around the corner to see if they can get up from their naps.
• or if Maria has preschool, it's when we're waiting in line and she asks me what every single button or knob in the car does. She laughs the whole time b/c she thinks it's hilarious that I answer her every day. lol I LOVE that laugh and I wish I could bottle it up and save it for 10 years from now lol.
• Sophia helping me with the laundry. She loves helping me sort it and put it in the washer and she absolutely HAS to push the buttons. lol.
• When Josh gets home and the girls RUN, SQUEALING to the back door to see him. then he gives them the mail to give me and he gives me a kiss hello...no matter how dirty he is from work (however, some days it's more like a peck due to oil, grease or whatever else is on there lol).
• after-dinner dancing! (not always every day)
• The good night "routine" when we put the girls to bed.
• 8:01 when the house is quiet and josh and i have time ALONE :D
• laying in bed with josh holding hands and talking. i love it. it's nothing special, but we've done it every night for the last 6 1/2 years we've lived together. (except for a short time when he worked midnights :-( and an occasional fight that went over-night lol).

happy birthday!

So Josh's birthday is in a couple days. And in light of this event, I'm going to share with you, the reasons we love you so very much....

• You play with the girls every night. When I look out the window and see you teaching something new to those girls who adore you so much, it melts my heart.
• The aforementioned "playtime" gives me some time to relax every night.
• You do the dishes every week, because you know I hate the handwashing.
• You compliment my cooking. And not just now that it's good, you did it when it was horrible...practically inedible. It tells me that you care about my feelings and I love it.
• You actually WANT to go Christmas shopping for the kids every year and you actually get mad if I do it all myself.
• (Jack) "You give me a bottle in the middle of the night when I'm hungry."
• You dance and sing and act silly with us.
• You and I love each other more and more every day, inspite of EVERYTHING that we've been through in the last 7 years.
• You tell me I'm beautiful when I'm in sweatpants and a t-shirt and havent showered in two days. I know you don't mean it, but I love that you say it anyway.
• (Maria) "you kick my ball way up in the sky and I catch it"
• We talk about our future together and what it will be like when we have 10 grandkids and we're sitting on our front porch rockers watching them play in the yard. I love that you get the same pleasure out of a simple life that I do.
• You know what I'm thinking before I say it.
• (Sophia) "you play train track in the basement with me"
• You cried when you heard "it won't be like this for long" for the first time. (and you will kill me for saying that!)
• (Renee) "You're the cheese to my macaroni".

i'm still here

This is basically just me saying that no, in fact, I have not died. I know I've been awful lately. I had so much fun to share and just got sooooo busy with everything and haven't had the time (yes I know that sounds extremely lame). All I can say, is that if you have received a blog comment from me in the last week, you should consider yourself very special. I have been canning and freezing and just all around getting ready for fall/winter. Also prepping for another garage sale (hoping to make even more than last time...which I am aware is asking a lot). I have another day of canning spaghetti sauce going on tomorrow. Hopefully it will be a bit easier since Josh will be here to help me.

I did also want to say a little bit about how awesome Josh and I have been doing these last few weeks. Are there things that I would change? sure. But when you get down to it, we are a good match. We complement each other. I am feeling really close to him lately and for some reason feeling like we have (finally) reached a point where we are in sync. I think we have spent the last 7 1/2 (yes 7 1/2!) years kind of fighting over the little shit because we didn't really know how to deal with all of the big shit. So instead of really talking about it, we ended up fighting over who didn't rinse out their dish or who fell asleep during the movie. Stupid shit! I know it sounds weird, but we are finally just learning to accept each others faults and knowing that we can't change them. When we went to our "pre-marital counseling" with the pastor before we got married (hence the name) he asked us a question that I have been thinking about lately. He said "What is it that bothers you about each other?" We gave our answers and he said "Are these things you can live with forever? Because they are never going to change. People don't change and people aren't perfect. You need to be able to clean up after each other and listen to each others mundane stories and visit each others families and all of that, and still want to wake up and do it again every day of the rest of your lives because that person is worth it to you. No two people are perfect for each other. The best we can do is to try to bring out the best in each other and to complement each other in the good AND bad times." We do that. 5 years ago we went through hell. A hell I wouldn't wish on my enemy and I remember fighting with him one day about the sandwich he brought me to the NICU when the real fight was about the fact that Maria needed surgery the next morning and I didn't know how to say "I'm afraid she's not going to make it". I didn't know how to communicate with him those feelings that were so important, so we fought about Arby's. I wish that we were as good together then as we are now. We would have made life a lot easier on each other. As much as I appreciated the silence at that time, there was so much that needed to be said and never was. We had been married for less than a month. We were young and we were SCARED. I wish I knew then what I know now. What I know now is that there is no amount of hell Josh will not go through with me. He will not leave me when things get tough. It is UNCONDITIONAL LOVE and it is amazing. He is who I will wake up next to when I am 90 and I love knowing that.