i'm still here

This is basically just me saying that no, in fact, I have not died. I know I've been awful lately. I had so much fun to share and just got sooooo busy with everything and haven't had the time (yes I know that sounds extremely lame). All I can say, is that if you have received a blog comment from me in the last week, you should consider yourself very special. I have been canning and freezing and just all around getting ready for fall/winter. Also prepping for another garage sale (hoping to make even more than last time...which I am aware is asking a lot). I have another day of canning spaghetti sauce going on tomorrow. Hopefully it will be a bit easier since Josh will be here to help me.

I did also want to say a little bit about how awesome Josh and I have been doing these last few weeks. Are there things that I would change? sure. But when you get down to it, we are a good match. We complement each other. I am feeling really close to him lately and for some reason feeling like we have (finally) reached a point where we are in sync. I think we have spent the last 7 1/2 (yes 7 1/2!) years kind of fighting over the little shit because we didn't really know how to deal with all of the big shit. So instead of really talking about it, we ended up fighting over who didn't rinse out their dish or who fell asleep during the movie. Stupid shit! I know it sounds weird, but we are finally just learning to accept each others faults and knowing that we can't change them. When we went to our "pre-marital counseling" with the pastor before we got married (hence the name) he asked us a question that I have been thinking about lately. He said "What is it that bothers you about each other?" We gave our answers and he said "Are these things you can live with forever? Because they are never going to change. People don't change and people aren't perfect. You need to be able to clean up after each other and listen to each others mundane stories and visit each others families and all of that, and still want to wake up and do it again every day of the rest of your lives because that person is worth it to you. No two people are perfect for each other. The best we can do is to try to bring out the best in each other and to complement each other in the good AND bad times." We do that. 5 years ago we went through hell. A hell I wouldn't wish on my enemy and I remember fighting with him one day about the sandwich he brought me to the NICU when the real fight was about the fact that Maria needed surgery the next morning and I didn't know how to say "I'm afraid she's not going to make it". I didn't know how to communicate with him those feelings that were so important, so we fought about Arby's. I wish that we were as good together then as we are now. We would have made life a lot easier on each other. As much as I appreciated the silence at that time, there was so much that needed to be said and never was. We had been married for less than a month. We were young and we were SCARED. I wish I knew then what I know now. What I know now is that there is no amount of hell Josh will not go through with me. He will not leave me when things get tough. It is UNCONDITIONAL LOVE and it is amazing. He is who I will wake up next to when I am 90 and I love knowing that.