Friday, March 19, 2010
My husband rocks for many, many reasons. But the one I keep replaying in my head for the last 24 hours, occurred exactly 5 years ago today. Exactly five years ago today I went into the hospital with the worst pain I'd ever experienced in my life. I was told later that day that our baby girl had a 60% chance of survival and I had about a 70% chance. We were young and dumb and naive and we were not prepared for any of it. He'd only been my husband for 3 weeks and there we were, in the midst of hell. But he was there. Every minute, he was there. He was there from the beginning when they (as usual) couldn't get a line in me for over a half an hour and had to resort to a central line. He was the one yelling at the doctor for hurting me. He was there through it all. Sneaking me water and holding my hand. He did things for me that I can't even imagine doing for another person. Those days before and after she was born, were the scariest of our lives. But we got through it together. And he was there through her 3 months in the NICU keeping me from losing it every single day. There were days where he held me for hours and let me cry. And there were days that he knew I just needed to be left alone. He was the only one to recognize that I needed a break to save my sanity, towards the end. My husband is not an outwardly emotional person, but in those months, he wore his heart on his sleeve and I loved him sooo much more for it. I never knew I could love him as much as the day he held her for the first time and cried so incredibly hard on the drive home. I talked to my mom about it the next day and she said the best sentence I've ever heard. She said, "you will never love your husband more as a man, than when you see him as a father". It's unbelievably true. And for a man that just HAD to have a boy, he's been wrapped around that little girls finger since day one. I love it, and I love him. I wouldn't have made it through the last five years (exactly) with anyone other than him.