happy birthday maria

As promised, today will be a sappy tear-filled blog about how far my first baby has come in the last 4 years.

I honestly am having trouble believing that this was 4 whole years ago.

That day was so hard for me to really comprehend. There was this huge part of me that wanted to be happy, but how could I be happy, knowing what she was going through. Meanwhile, sitting in my own hospital bed, unable to even see my own baby. I was (AM) so bitter about how EVERYONE got to see and touch and talk to her before I did. It was like all of this bonding was going on and none of it was between my daughter and I. Especially after everything I had been through. It is still hard for me to understand how my family would think that it was ok to spend time with my baby, before I got to. I would just sit there crying while everyone was across town with her. I was so worried about whether I would ever even get to see her alive. And the thought of the pain she was in, was so hard for me to handle. Those next few months were the hardest of our lives.
It seemed like it took so long to get to the point where she was a "normal" baby and we could just relax and take care of her like any other child. No oxygen, no medicine, no nurse...just a regular baby girl.
But, oh, how it was worth it! I remember her giggling for what seemed like hours. and she just loved that kitten we had. She would rub his tail all over her face and just laugh and laugh.

That's when things stopped going so slow and started going WAY too fast. It seems like over night she became this grown up little girl.

Including being discharged from physical, occupational and speech therapy and going to preschool for the first time!

Now she wont stop talking and she makes a joke about everything. She's a little mother to Sophia and Jackson, always wanting to help me with everything. Her favorite chore is folding laundry. She loves Barbies, horses, CLOTHES, the color pink, being outside helping daddy fix cars and the tractor. All of a sudden she doesn't need me to feed her and change her clothes (or even pick them out). She's become independent and so stinking smart it amazes me every day. We waited so long for her to take her first step (2 whole years!) and for her to speak those first words. But now we cant stop her. I'm crying my eyes out right now at thinking about how soon it will be before we're at her graduation, dancing at her wedding and holding her baby in our arms. A part of me wants her to stay this age forever, but I also know that every time she learns something knew or grows in some way, she's that much closer to what I always wanted for her. When I sat for 12 hrs a day by her isolette, I told her that she could be anything she wanted and she would change the world, and as much as it pains me, I want to stand by that. I want her to have the amazing life she deserves. She came so close to not having a life at all. She deserves to be happy and to know every day how special she is to so many people.

Now that I have gone through an entire box of tissues, I'm going to go hug her....probably until her arms go numb. LOL.

what's a day without a little frustration?

So tomorrow Maria will be 4 yrs old. I really cant believe how fast its gone. I'll probably post some sad sappy memory filled blog tomorrow, so get out your tissues. lol.

But today I just wanted to let everyone know that my CT was clear! I knew it would be, I just needed the official confirmation. Though I have to tell you about the issues I had getting the results.

So on Friday I called the Dr.'s office and they said they never recieved it. She said, you have to call them and ask them if they faxed it to us (she couldn't do it b/c of privacy issues). So I called the radiologist and ran around in circles with the dumb receptionist.

Me: I'm just calling to find out if you sent my results to the Dr. b/c they haven't recieved them.
Her: I always send them 24-48 hrs after I recieve them
Me: Ok, but can you check to see if mine have been sent?
Her: I always send them 24-48 hrs after we recieve them
Me: I get that. I just want you to check and see if MINE have been sent
Her: I ALWAYS SEND THEM 24-48 HRS AFTER WE RECIEVE THEM!
Me: Do you hear how ridiculous you sound?
Her: Do YOU hear how ridiculous YOU sound?
Me: Why can't you just check my file to see if you sent them!
Her: It's not my job to be your tracking device!
Me: I'm not asking you to be my tracking device, I'm asking you to do your job!

After that wasted 2 minutes of my life I hung up on her. Later I called the Dr.'s office back and the nurse says. "yeah we just recieved them from them so thanks for calling up there" GRRRRR!!!!

Anyway it was all clear (except for the stroke that I already knew about). So here's you daily fix of cute kid pics. enjoy :D

PS do you see how huge jack is getting!!! I really dont know how to react to a normal sized child. lol.

just a quick update

Well as far as my grandma goes. Right now, they only took off her toes. I am really hoping and praying that, this is the end of it. Thank you to everyone who sent me emails and messages. She is such a strong woman and she has been through so much in her life. I really hope this is over for her.

I went to the doctor yesterday and he doesnt seem to think its my gall bladder...right now anyway. He is mostly concerned with my headache being constant and the dizziness. So, even though I have already had an MRI he wants me to get a CT scan. So they are schedualing that today. But I swear its not a tuuma! lol.

So heres your daily fix of cute kid pics. lol. they were out helping daddy clean up the fallen tree from a few weeks ago.

please pray for my grandma

I just needed to show you my cute little girls in their cute little spring outfits.

But also, I wanted to ask everyone to pray for my grandma. She is in the hospital right now. She's a diabetic and she could lose her legs. Right now they are hoping to only have to amputate her toes or her feet, but she also has red streaks up her legs so it may have already spread.

I'm really worried about her and every little prayer will help. Thats pretty much it for today.

long time no blog

Sorry its been so long since I've blogged to ya. It's been pretty busy around here. I'm getting ready for a garage sale that I'm gonna have in the spring. I never realized how many clothes these girls had until I went through the 2 XL rubbermaid containers of them. Ugh! anyone in need of any baby clothes, see me.

Jackson is growing like a weed. I'm not kidding at all! He was 8 lb 10 oz last week. which means that in one month he grew almost 3 lbs! part of me is proud and part of me is worrying that he's been blessed with my metabolism. LOL. Honestly though he's doing really well, esp. since we got the reflux under control. He's getting zantac twice a day and it's really helping him stay happy. He's still puking about once a day, but i'll take that over the SCREAMING. He's been smiling at us and making faces too so thats sooo much fun.

I got maria signed up for preschool for next year. I'm hoping she's not too far behind. I wish I knew what all the other kids can do before hand so I could help her out. I know she'll stand out for being small, but she really is smart and I hope that she shows it and comes out of her shell a little bit.

I took pia to get her eyes checked to see if that's why she's so....clumsy. She said that she looks like she could use a small prescription, but not enough for them to give a 2 yr old glasses and not enough that it would make her not see walls and tables, etc. So she said maybe I should bring her back if it doesn't stop in 6 months. b/c she could have missed something. It's hard to see everything inside a wiggly childs eyes. Idk, I'm just hoping she's clumsy and It'll go away. I finally got brave enough to cut her bangs though. I was so scared to mess up her hair when I am planning to get family pics taken soon. but I think I did ok.

I'm starting to think I need to head to the Dr.'s myself. since Jack was born I've been nauseaus after I eat and I've got a headache (constant) on the left side of my head and I've also been off balance/dizzy. I had that MRI the day Jack was born so I know "it's not a tuuma" (said in arnold schwarzenegger voice). I googled it (LOL) and it came back with something wrong with my gall bladder. eh. idk if thats what it is. but I'll let you all know when I find out.

so here are some pics from this past week. enjoy.