Not wrong, just different

• Why do some people have the "my way or the highway" mentality? Just because something is different, doesn't make it wrong.
• Why do I HAVE to do things the way you did them?
• Why must everything I do be taken as a personal insult?
• When will it be OK for me to raise MY CHILDREN, MY WAY?
• Why would a 40-something woman liken herself to a 90-something great grandmother, just to prove a point?
• Why would a grandma THREATEN to move 12 hrs away from her grandchildren, or never get them Christmas gifts again just because she can't get her way?
• Why would someone accuse her own daughter of not loving her?
• Why would someone keep herself from seeing her own family on Christmas out of sheer stubbornness?
• Why would someone who supposedly "hates" the way her mother acts, act THE EXACT SAME WAY?
• Why, would you act like a petulant child because everything can't be the exact way you want it?
• Why wouldn't you just enjoy the second best option and make it as nice as possible?

These are the questions plaguing my brain for the last couple of days (among many others). I guess there are some people that I will never understand. People that need to control everything and everyone and have everything THEIR WAY, or just not at all. I feel like I can't make everyone happy, no matter what I do. So I've chosen my children, my husband and myself. I've chosen our happiness over hers. And I still feel like a failure. But I'm a failure either way, so...

today is...my momma

Today I'm going to be talking about my Momma. She and I haven't always agreed on things, and at times we've had some full-blown fights. But in the end, she is still my Mom and we always work it out.

Most of you know she is going through a really rough time right now. In fact today they are going to do some tests on her lungs because they think it is pulmonary. But you'd never know that she is going through so much. She isn't one of those people who talks about themselves and all the pain they are in to get sympathy. She doesn't want people to feel sorry for her or to worry about her. She is one of the strongest women I know. When I look back on my childhood and remember some of the things she did and gave up, for us, I can't believe it. But she would NEVER say anything about it because she was just "doing what I had to do". She doesn't want praise for what she did every day. I think she just wants us all to know that she did it because she loves us.

She is the ONLY person who has ever watched all of the kids over night. I trust her with the most precious things in my life and I think that says something about the respect I have for her. She is kind and gentle with them, but if they are acting up, she respects that I don't spank them so she puts them in the corner like I would. They have fun with her and BEG to go to "Gam's house". When we are 5 minutes away they know it and start screaming "Gam's house, Gam's house!" And it's not just them that begs to see her. If it has been a couple weeks since she's seen the kids, she calls me begging me to bring them over. During my pregnancy when we had to go down to Columbus all the time, she was the only one who ever watched them. But when I would try to thank her for watching them she always said "I wasn't babysitting, I was grandparenting them. They are such angels." She was the one to come over during my treatments to help occupy the kids and get them lunch and naps. She was the one going to the grocery store with me every week to push the kids around so I could get my shopping done. And when she saw the cart was too heavy for me to push, she would trade me, without a word. She didn't want me to feel worse than I already did about not being able to do normal things. And that is what I hope I can do for her right now.

No matter how many fights we have, she will always be my Mommy that I love and respect, and I hope she knows that.